Stories For Thing

The little princess whose name rhymes with something

on April 27, 2013

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A dog told this story to a cat.

Once there was a little princess in India who braved a terrible storm to hunt a particularly nasty shark named Billy. Billy the Meaniebutt Shark was his full name, and he certainly deserved it.

Billy rhymes with bully, and that’s what Billy was. He was so bad that he even bullied other sharks. Even whales. I’m talking about the really big kind, too.

For the most part, whales are very nice and friendly, even though some of them are bigger than dinosaurs ever were. Billy took advantage of their gentle nature, and often took the lunches their mums and dads packed for them to take to school.

If a whale ever complained about it, Billy the Shark would pull a dirty trick. “Oh, you want to fight about it, huh,” he’d sneer. “What would your mom think, ha? She’d be so ashamed of her feisty kid fighting sharks. Whales are supposed to be so peaceful.”

“No, Billy,” the whale would say. “I don’t want to disappoint my mum.”

“Good whale,” Billy would chuckle. “Tell your mom you’d like a human and jelly sandwich next time. Gee willickers!”

Well, news of Billy the Meaniebutt Shark’s awfulness spread throughout the land and the sea; and finally word got back to a certain little princess, who had always been keeping an eye out for nasty sharks.

It was a little bird that told her. She flew into the little princess’ palace one morning, while the little princess was having a bath. The bird was very excited. “Holy earthworms! Your Highness! Wait until I tell you about this hideous shark!”

“Fetch me my Big Bad Mum!” The little princess shouted, splashing her fists into her bubble bath. Some of it got into her eyes, and stung like freshly sliced onions. “AAAAH!! I CAN’T SEE!”

So, rather than fetching Her Highness’ magical sword Big Bad Mum, the little birdy had to go and fetch the princess’ real mum instead.

“What’s this then,” Mum asked, when she arrived.

“Mahm! I’m blind!”

“Chill out, yo,” Mum sighed. “Hold still and I’ll rinse your eyes…and to think your dad and I let you run off to fight sharks. If they only knew that your personal kryptonite was you yourself.”

“I thought you were my personal kryptonite,” the little princess retorted.

“And don’t you forget it.”

Mum rinsed the princess’ eyes out, packed a few lunches, tried to do something with the girl’s hair – gave up – gave her a big hi-five, and waved goodbye as the good ship H.M.S. Bookshelf sailed away for adventure.

“I’ll be back in two flaps of a dragon’s wings, Mahm!!” The little princess called.

“Don’t hurry ba- I mean – take your time and be sure to check everywhere in the world that mean ole shark could be hiding!” Mum said.

The little princess frowned suspiciously. Mum smiled innocently.

Now then, next was the terrible storm that Lola told Frisbee about in Part One. After that, it didn’t take the little princess and her Jolly Pirates long to arrive at Shark Island.

Shark Island was ginormous. Some said it was the worst, most dangerous place on Earth. Even though sharks lived in the ocean, they liked to vacation on Shark Island.

They had all sorts of games and fun activities for sharks on Shark Island. Like “Chase Humans On Land”, “Release Captured Humans From Their Cages And Let Them Run Into The Sea So We Can Eat Them In Water”, and volleyball.

Volleyball was especially popular.

When the little princess and her band of Jolly Pirates approached Shark Island, the place was as quiet as a ghost town. This time of year, Shark Island was closed to tourists.

“According to this map the little birdy gave me, Billy’s house is right in the center of the island.”

“Do you think Billy is still here, your Captain Princessness?” a Jolly Pirate asked nervously.

“Oh, he’s here alright,” the princess said. “Billy’s the manager of Shark Island.”

The princess and a few of her Jolly Pirates rowed ashore the infamous island on a small boat.

“You lads wait here,” said the princess. She took a bag she was carrying over to one of the little beach huts sharks use to change into their bathing suits, and went inside. When she came back out a few minutes later, she was wearing the pretty blue dress she’d bought off of that sea dragon from Part One.

The Jolly Pirates were shocked.

“Your Highness!” one of them cried, “Why are you wearing that flimsy little fancy dress! You can’t fight sharks in that thing. Especially not mean ole Billy!”

“Chill out, yo.” The little princess had a sneaky smile. It was all part of the plan, you see.

But that’s a story for Part Three.

Try to behave until then, ok?

By Saladinho


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